fly

I feel lost and I have no where to go or anyone to turn too. What do you do when you feel so down...

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 18:08:38 -0400

I feel lost and I have no where to go or anyone to turn too. What do you do when you feel so down that you could just drown?

I’m falling apart slowly. I thought this feeling would go away, but it strikes hard once...

Fri, 13 May 2011 12:58:23 -0400

I’m falling apart slowly. I thought this feeling would go away, but it strikes hard once again. Caring about something that I shouldn’t care about anymore hurts like knives to my heart. Why do we get attached to people? We give our all to them and in return we get nothing. It’s not fair, but then again, life’s not fair in general. I don’t know if I can do this anymore…

Photo

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 11:58:50 -0400

Empty

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 23:00:00 -0500

Have you ever felt so cold that with the slightest touch you could break?

Have you ever felt so hopeless that all you can do is just watch?

Have you ever had the feeling of warmth but then to have it yanked from you like it meant nothing?

Have you ever felt needed but then to only realize there was an ulterior motive?

Have you ever told yourself no but then to realize it was too late?

Have you ever had the courage to end it all?

I feel dead inside.

Part of me wants to live, to be happy,

But I can’t find it in me to be that way.

I pretend like I care about the well-being of others,

But I’m just lying to myself to keep myself busy.

I try to hang with my friends,

But I know it’s not enough.

It hurts.

It’s been a little over a month and it still hurts.

Memories will come flooding back and I won’t know what to do.

I fight my urges with such a strong will that I don’t want to do it anymore.

I know giving in will cause me more pain,

But maybe that will help me heal.

Maybe I’ll realize that it truly meant nothing.

I believe I felt like this last year, but to a lesser extent.

I feel as if I can’t be happy,

Or rather, that I won’t be happy for a while.

I don’t know how to actually handle this situation.

I wish someone was there for me.

Someone who cared.

Or even some way to remove the emotions that I have.

I don’t think that’s possible yet and only time can tell, but it hurts.

I want this pain to go away.

I want to feel better emotionally.

I feel like I’ve lost way too much this past year,

And I can’t get it back.

I know I cause this pain on myself so I really shouldn’t complain.

But days pass and I still feel like crap.

When will it end?

Will it ever end?

Will I ever feel alive again?

Can I ever be me again?

The Story of Your Life - Matthew West

Sat, 12 Feb 2011 18:15:25 -0500

The Story of Your Life - Matthew West

I feel so stupid. Every time I try or make an effort towards...

Sat, 22 Jan 2011 01:59:52 -0500

I feel so stupid. Every time I try or make an effort towards something that I like, it always seems to end up not the way I want it to. Maybe I’m cursed or something, or it’s maybe I just make bad choices on what I want in life. I don’t know how I’m still alive. It may appear that the months of May/June are going to resurface…but this time, for an extended period of time.

This song moves me.

holiday consequences

Sat, 25 Dec 2010 02:16:42 -0500

i’m starting to question my actions. i believe that my ultimate answer to them is that it was wrong, but at the time, they seemed so right. life’s about lessons learned, i suppose i’m beginning to learn mine.

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!!!! :)

anger...

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 18:16:23 -0500

I don’t understand how I can despise someone SO much. I should be grateful for this person, but I am absolutely not. He is the most repulsive, un-respectable, idiotic, and psychotic person ever. He’s so fucking uneducated even though he attended college and received two master’s degrees. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM!?!? Can you seriously not talk properly without having to yell every other sentence? Can you not appreciate/respect the person that spent days working on something for you and all you can do is get angry just because they’re doing something that they have a commitment to? Like honestly, what the fuck. YOU aren’t the center of attention of everything, gosh damn it. You’re pretty old and aren’t people supposed to be more calm and nice or whatever? I guess that’s not the fucking case. I am so pissed off right now. I just want to scream at this person, it’s ridiculous, but then I would be the one that seems uneducated and I don’t want to do that. Honestly though, I just want to yell back and actually get the point across. Or…maybe he should just go see a psychiatrist, because i honestly believe that’s what he needs. Ugh, seriously, pissed off. You’re supposed to enjoy your life to the fullest, not cause drama where it isn’t necessary, but no! He’d rather cause drama and not live a peaceful life. Then why not just get out of it? Why don’t you just leave? If you aren’t happy with where you are, just leave. It really doesn’t matter anymore because I don’t care and there are other that feel the same. Just save me and everyone else the pain, and just leave please. Life would probably be better without you anyways. Weighing out the happy times I’ve had versus the not happy times, the not happy times outweigh the happy times so much more, it’s sad. Just leave, honestly. I don’t understand what is keeping him here. There seems to be no point for him to stay.

Another thing, why is it that guys are so fucking stupid sometimes? Do you really think that just because you don’t contact/show up to a party that I’m going to not wonder about you? I understand the no contact is probably so that I can move on, but honestly, that shit is in the past. It’s been 6 months and I have realized how much I have missed out on just because I didn’t move on earlier. We were so close before, but not just because you want to be dumb, we’re like complete strangers. I probably wouldn’t treat you any differently if we had some sort of contact, but your actions now just make me want to slap you. Grow up, please! We’re not in kindergarten anymore, seriously. How can you be so ignorant and cold? Where did your heart go? I would love to show you that I have moved past everything that’s happened and that I am completely okay and happy now. You were once important, but not anymore. I don’t know what I feel for you, maybe anger, hate, pity, etc…idk. I don’t understand how I thought you were different from the rest; I feel stupid for believing that you were.

Life seems like such a bitch right now. Actually, no. It’s always been one.

I probably shouldn’t post this because it’s Thanksgiving weekend, but I need to get it out there. To an extent, these 2 people that I have mentioned I am not thankful for currently. My other friends/family and other miscellaneous items, I am thankful for.

I care about a lot of things. Recently though, I feel like I should stop trying because nothing...

Wed, 17 Nov 2010 08:11:03 -0500

I care about a lot of things. Recently though, I feel like I should stop trying because nothing seems to be working. Being disappointed with myself, with others…it gets tiring. I should stop, right? But then some ask, “then what’s the point to life”? I say: to reproduce, for the most part. I should stop. Maybe it’ll make me more sane.

confused. thinking doesn’t help at all.

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:56:23 -0400

confused.

thinking doesn’t help at all.

these days are limited.

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 18:30:49 -0400

the good things come and go, so cherish the moments that bring laughter & happiness to your soul.

sometimes we're too hopeful...

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 00:49:59 -0400

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 14:54:00 -0400

“If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.”

- Marilyn Monroe

happy =)

Sun, 01 Aug 2010 01:36:34 -0400

happy =)

not again.

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:25:23 -0400

hate this feeling of trying to grasp onto something tangible

i feel lost. again. :(

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:57:49 -0400

i feel lost. again. :(

p.s.

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 22:17:25 -0400

sometimes it’s hard to breathe.

thinking about the past and remembering what could’ve been,

but then realizing that it was you who left,

and I had remained.

beautiful scenery. miserable winter break…

Fri, 09 Jul 2010 23:02:00 -0400

beautiful scenery.

miserable winter break…

summer is driving me crazy-ier. the heat doesn’t help much either. last night: set off...

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 19:20:59 -0400

summer is driving me crazy-ier. the heat doesn’t help much either.

last night: set off fireworks — result: 20 mosquito bites >.<

today: study for bio practical — progress: okay-ish…

some people amaze me…

</3

I disappoint, I know. you don’t have to keep reminding me. emotions have run amuck.

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 16:09:23 -0400

I disappoint, I know. you don’t have to keep reminding me.

emotions have run amuck.